Last year I lived with a dude. One of the best living situations of my life because he was usually with his girlfriend and we had a ton of mutual friends. Our apartment was a small, typical college apartment and we would throw pop-punk parties with our core group of friends every month or so. After our lease was up my roommate moved in with his girlfriend and I moved in with four crazies (just kidding, they are great...sometimes).
Anyway, last night my old roomie and his girlfriend had a housewarming party and invited the old group. It wasn't the same, but hilariously similar to old times.
Below are some past "episodes" via my old wordpress blog.
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[Episode 1: 90's Grunge and Gold Spandex]
Tonight Aga, Meg and Tim were lounging around Meg’s apartment. I enter the room. Aga and I begin talking about gold spandex. Tim and Meg are yelling about Tim’s broken laptop.
(I enter)
Aga: LIZ! Why is our life a sitcom! Also, your hair looks really good, did you get it cut?
Me: No, but I was hanging out with cute Ian so I straightened it.
Tim and Meg: Hahaha, oh, Liz.
Tim: How was work? Any free Entenmanns!?
Liz: No, I only get wheat bread.
Aga: That’s awesome. You won’t get fat.
Tim: My computer is broken! It won’t turn on.
Meg: You should take better care of it.
(Tim and Meg continue to talk about the computer. It soon turns into yelling.)
Aga: LIZ! You must come to my friends party with me. It’s an 80’s party. Dressing up is required.
Liz: YES. I’m going to tease my hair and wear gold spandex!!
Aga: You have gold spandex??
Liz: No. But this is a good excuse to buy some!
(Tim and Meg still talking about the computer)
Aga: You know what is crazy? The leggings that look like Jeans. It’s crazy!
Liz: I know crazy, right? So, are you coming out with me and Caleb on Friday?? Penn party!
Aga: It’s my mom’s birthday. I’m going to be in Bensalem.
Liz: Lame. That’s fine. Now me and Caleb can make out.
Aga: I hate you.
Tim: (pauses his argument with Megan) I think our sitcom would be like a new age grunge version of Seinfeld. Just saying.
[End Scene]
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[Episode 2: Aga, don't eat the macaroni!]
The scene. Meg, Tim, Aga and I are all sitting on the same couch. They are stoned and I am laying on Aga’s lap sipping a PBR. Meghan decides that this is an Aga heavy episode where we have an intervention about his habits. I have a clothing crisis. Food Network’s Unwrapped is playing on our new HDTV. We spend about an hour discussing Pop Rocks and how they make M&M’s. Also, Meg and I have absolutely no idea why HD is better.
Aga: I have to be at Holly’s by 11! Liz, make me a sandwich?
Tim: Why? For some pretentious Indie party?
Aga: Yep. They will talk about Built to Spill and why they are better than everyone else.
Me (getting up to make Aga’s sandwich): I love built to Spill and all things indie. Holly’s friends are still better than me, though. They are a level of indie that I will never be.
Aga (burps and then says): Yeah, they would never talk to you. Remember, I want wheat bread! and no crust!
Meghan: Aga, you are the weirdest normal person ever…and you smell like a mixture of gross burp and old spice. I love Old Spice, but I’m not really a fan of your body odor.
Aga: You guys are so mean to me!
Tim: I agree, Meg. I’m moving to the other couch.
Meg: No! Don’t go over there. I’m cold. You were keeping me warm.
(Tim and Meg continue to discuss. Aga eats his sandwich and then is still hungry. Tim heats up my wheat pasta for him. My phone is ringing obsessively and I begin to respond to texts.)
Tim: LIZ. Who are you texting!?
Aga: YEAH. Who are you texting? We need to know all the details of your life.
Me: A ridiculous number of people. I’m going out with cute hipster boy. What should I wear??
Aga: Something sexy.
Meg: Dress like typical Liz.
Me: Skinny leg jeans and a cardigan?
(Aga is searching the fridge again for more food. He finds left over macaroni and cheese.)
Tim: Our sitcom is too fucking predictable. Aga, don’t eat the macaroni!
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[Episode 3: You're out of soy milk!]
Scene: In this episode there is tension between Aga and Tim. Meghan is upset. Aga is laying on the couch singing to Tim. I leave and go to Dave’s and then come back. This upsets Meghan even more. We are all watching the Phillies game, but there is a rain delay.
(scene begins after I return)
Aga: Liz! I ate cereal from your bowl! I didn’t drink from the side though because I didn’t want to put my lips on it.
Me: I definitely just ran home in the rain.
Aga: I told you to bring an umbrella! Did your man follow you home??
Meg: You are the weirdest normal person that I know.
Me: You could have put your lips on my bowl. I would feel comfortable putting mine on yours.
Aga: Good to know.
(On the TV, drunk Phillies fans are freaking out and jumping in front of the camera)
Aga: TIM! REPLAY!
Tim: NOO!
Aga: (begins singing a Backstreet Boys song) You are my fire, my one desire….
Tim: No, dude, stop acting gay.
Meg: Oh no! Tim and Aga tension!
Aga: Come on, Tim! Sing!
(Aga begins to dance)
Tim: No, seriously, stop that.
Aga: I dance if I want to.
(My phone vibrates and I get a text from Aga saying, “Tim’s fly is open.”)
Me: Why did you just text me!?
Aga: You’re out of soy milk!
[End Scene]
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[Episode 4: That's What She Said]
The scene: Dave, Tim, Meg and I sitting on the same couch and Aga sitting on the floor by Tim’s feet. We are watching food network (Unwrapped and then Iron Chef America). Aga is playing on his tiny laptop, I am texting Alexan coordinating going out, and they are all planning to watch Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.
Me: Aga, your laptop is so small and cute.
Aga: It’s how I get the ladies. LIZ! Get me some water?
Meg: Don’t do it Liz!
Me (getting up to get the water): It’s ok…
Tim(talking about the xbox cable): WHY IS THIS SO BIG?!
Me: ….That’s what she said?
(Everyone looks at me and starts laughing)
Aga: LIZ! That was the first time you have ever been funny!
Meg and Tim: NO AGA! Liz is always funny!
Aga: DAVE! Do you think Liz is funny?
Dave: Uhh…no?
Aga: YES! You agree with me!
Dave: NO! I just gave into your peer pressure, why are you so good at it!
Meg: He does that! He makes you say and do exactly what he wants you to!
Aga: TIM! I really want a pizza.
Tim: Order it and pay for it, dude.
Aga: Oh man, I always pay for it.
Meg: This was expected.
Me: Agreed. Why does this always happen. I have to go out to this party with Alexan, I don’t think I will fit in with her friends because I have no freshman whore like outfits, so this should be interesting.
Meg: Liz, you’re too good for that.
(I leave and go to a party around the corner with quite possibly the dumbest girls I have ever met and my good friend Alexan. After about 20 minutes of the, ‘Like omg that guy is so cute, you should like totally talk to him. OMG should I!?,’ I couldn’t handle it and left.)
Dave (STILL trying to order the pizza for Aga): I could have guessed that it would have been lame.
Aga: That’s what she said.
Everyone: ….that wasn’t funny.
[end scene]
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[Episoide 5: Reunion Special]
Scene: A dozen or so people sipping PBR in Tim's new apartment. The usuals are there including Meg, Aga and Dave. Mostly dudes, pop-punk playing in the background, of course
Dave (upon entering): When does the sitcom start?
Me: Oh, you'll know.
A few hours later.
Aga: Tim. Let's order food.
Me: This is it!
Tim (holding a magic 8 ball): You order food!
Meg (entering with a guy and a girl): This is Liz and Dave!
Me (looking at Dave): Wait. We're Liz and Dave?!
Tim: Your hipster Liz, she is Meg's Liz.
Me: Uhh, alright, but there's only one Dave and Liz and that's us. Also, why am I not Tim's Liz?
Tim: Because you are drinking PBR.
Me: I had a realization last night. I was drinking Miller Light and then got a PBR because it was much cheaper. It was then that I realized that PBR is actually disgusting.
Everyone: FINALLY.
Aga jumps on the couch which we are all sitting on, takes Dave's hat and puts it on me and then gives me his glasses.
Aga: DAVE! That is what our child would look like!
Tim: Any questions for the magic 8 ball?
Mervin: Does Tim Harper like guys?
Tim:....Absolutely.
Aga: How do we know that the magic 8 ball isn't lying?
Mervin: Ask it!
Aga: Let's order food!
Twenty minutes later.
Me (as Dave and I were leaving): That wasn't the same.
Dave: I miss the old couch.
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Side note: I cannot wait to see Brand New and Glassjaw tonight!
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